I am too tired to write
My mind is dull from staring a a computer screen all day
It’s barely 7:30 (not even) and I’m ready for bed
Teeth brushed,
Bladder drained,
Covers tucked back,
Done.
I will sleep through this night
I won’t even know I’m here
My mind will be gone
Tripping on its own endorphins
With dreams of fancy
Hopes of being digital free

Free of the logarithms
Free of the advertising
Free of the blue light
Free of that kryptonite feeling

They are spreading an ultraviolent brain busting pixie dust on my forehead. All day on a computer, talking to initials, not faces
has me losing my IQ, common sense,
my verve, the Quaker light.

I ask them to turn on their screens, to participate in discussions,
but they only take…lectures, breaks, naps. It’s dulling, mind deadening, frustrating…

The new normal…

My colleague described virtual learning this way,

“It’s like someone is reaching into my head and pulling my brain out.”

This morning, I’d agree,
I think the honeymoon is over,
The kids are mopey,
My energy is sapped,
The enthusiasm is waning,

My brain is getting yanked,
Both of them.

On a day when I started listening to Jocko’s book
After having dipped back into Seal training with Goggins,
A couple of hours removed from a run or swim
Or whatever it was that I did through that thick tropical air,
I got to sit down for an online training.

To honor what I heard from Jocko,
“I’m owning the venom I’m about to spew.”
It’s mine, all mine, not because of someone else,
Me. I don’t think Goggins meant anything like this when he said,
“Do something that sucks every day.”

There is no place for hypocrisy in leadership,
Starting with the end in mind suggests a direction, purpose
It is not an excuse to dump a bunch of cookbook ideas on a faculty.
Leaders should practice what the preach,
Proofread, and be proficient at using technology for instruction.

They should know what it feels like to be on the learning side,
They should suffer, listen, and get out of the way
Because the trenches are where we are right now,
Their plans are full of gaps, weak on meaning, and
Inappropriate for the needs of their teachers.

Not to mention, they quoted a douche of the highest magnitude,
Someone more suited to work with the orange one or the doctor in NJ.
I don’t understand leadership. I’ve known so few,
The best never having legitamate authority. Unfortunately, those
Who do are puppet managers, they are puppets who manage.

They don’t communicate.
They don’t respect divergent thinking.
They follow predictible, safe, fraidy cat decision making
And it shows when they come out of their litter boxes,
When they design bull do-do trainings.

Others may have benefitted from this learning experience,
I lost my commitment after the opening quote,
Only to drift into Jocko land,
The Goggins-sphere,
And dreams of running in the 99% humidity.