Two Guys Driveling

Guy 1: Pat Riley was the best coach ever.

Guy 2: Not at all. Auerbach. He won way more championships.

Guy 1: Then you would have to say Phil Jackson is best according to the championship metric.

Guy 2: He doesn’t count. He had Jordan and Pippen, then Shaq and Kobe. All that Zen stuff masks the unbelievable talent he had.

Guy 1: Red was the man. He did it over the long haul and consecutively. The Celtics were boss.

Guy 2: But they could never compete today. I’ll give you his teams being great, but was he a good coach or a good collector of talent?

Guy 1: Good coaches know how to get out of the way of talent. The players are what get it done.

Guy 2: You don’t think Jackson got out of Jordan’s way?

Guy 1: But Phil didn’t build the Bulls or Lakers. And look at what has happened in New York. Phil’s a part time GM. Where is his commitment?

Guy 2: This isn’t about him with the Knicks. It’s about his coaching. He’s got the hardware. Come on, now…

Guy 1: Come to think of, we’re both wrong. Popovich is the best coach. Look what he did in a small market.

Innocent Bystander: Oy…

Guy-Girl Coffee Shop Talk

Girl: You know she is my friend, right?

Guy: I know. She’s my friend, too.

Girl: Yeah, I know. That’s what makes this so hard.

Guy: Why is this hard?

Girl: Because I like you both and don’t want to be caught in the middle.

Guy: It’s not going to matter. She’s not interested in me.

Girl: What did you say to her?

Guy: Nothing really. I just asked her if she wanted to hang out. We did and that was that.

Girl: Who else wast there?

Guy: I don’t know. Ron, Joe, the guys, you know who.

Girl: So you didn’t really pay attention to her. We like it when the guy we are out with pays attention to us.

Guy: I did pay attention to her, but there were people for her to talk to as well.

Girl: If I had been there, you would have paid better attention.

Guy: Yeah, maybe, but you’re different. You know how to hang.

Girl: And I know, how to get attention from the guy I’m with.

Guy: I don’t know what it is about her. It’s like she wants to be with me, but at the same time she doesn’t.

Girl: That’s how she is. She’s like the with me too. Frustrating, huh?

Guy: Yeah, I mean I’m looking for a relationship where I’m not tied down or feeling like I have to be smothering the other person.

Girl: I know. I was in something like that for awhile. To me its about values. The guy had a job was older, just twenty five, but he didn’t want the same things I did. I learned a lot being with him, but I cringe that I sacrificed what I wanted just be be with him.

Guy: Maybe she’ll come around.

Girl: If you ask me, you shouldn’t have to wait so long. There’s no reason for that.

Guy: How’s that?

She smiles…

Four Hipsters at Starbucks

The Players:

Tracy: She’s college aged and gives off an air of ditzy, but it’s obvious she knows she is the star attraction for this group.
Colt: Tracy’s newest boyfriend. They met at Firefly. He delivers goods to a nearby military base.
Max: Tracy’s last boyfriend. They split up on the way to Firefly.
Jim: A barista and friend to Tracy and Max.

The Conversation:

Tracy: Hey you guys, this is so cool. We’re altogether, here at Starbucks. Who would have thought?

Max: Who would have thought…

Jim: I’m just on break, but its great to be hear. Hey, I’m Jim.

Colt: Nice to meet you, I’m Colt.

Jim: Oh, your Tracy’s new boyfriend.

Max: Her soldier standing at attention.

Colt: Yes, I”m Tracy’s boyfriend. No, I’m not in the military.

Tracy: He makes deliveries to the military bases. He’s a driver, he, he, he…

Jim: Where did you guys meet?

Tracy: At Firefly, we saw each other and started talking and it’s been nearly forty-eight hours together now.

Max: Records broken, congrats.

Jim: Congratulations on your longevity.

Colt: Thanks.

Jim: Besides drive, what do you do, Colt.

Colt: I ski.

Jim: Really? Me too. Where do you go?

Colt: Breckenridge. I’m from out there, so I hit all the slopes there, Vail, Winter Park, but I like Breckenridge the best. How about you?

Jim: Blue Mountain.

Colt: I’ve never heard of that.

Jim: Of course you haven’t, it’s in Pennsylvania.

Max: Dude, you suck, Pennsylvania is no Colorado.

Jim: What’s wrong with you today.

Max: I used to be the driver…

Tracy: Max, really? Don’t make me go into this again.

Max: Well we go to a concert and you dump me for this guy. What do you expect?

Tracy: It was over before we left. At least we gave you a ride home.

Max: But we had to stop for coffee on the way.

Colt: Relax, bro. You’ll get there.

Max: I’ve already been there. Now you’re backing into my old parking space.

Jim: Alrighty, I think my break is about over. Somebody could probably use help making a latte.

Max: Sorry for the scene, man. I’m bitter.

Jim: Don’t get shot. Gotta go. Nice meeting you, Colt. Tracy, hot as ever. Later.

Tracy, Colt, Jim: Later.

(I’m glad I’m old and married…)

An Old Couple Getting Coffee

Husband: The tables are so close together.

Wife: They are just the same as yesterday.

Husband: I’m not sure, but I’ll take your word for it.
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Husband: This coffee is hot.

Wife: Same as yesterday.
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Husband: Do you have my sunglasses?

Wife: No. I think you left them at the barber shop.

Husband: Oh, no, I don’t want to drive over there again.

Wife: Why don’t you call them and see if the glasses were turned in?

Husband: I don’t have my phone.

Wife: Here, use mine. It’s ringing.
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Husband: Hello, can you hear me? Hello, Hello, Hello…

Wife: Let me have that. Hello, my husband got his hair cut there yesterday. I’m wondering if he left his sunglasses there.
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Husband: Well?

Wife: They are checking. Yes, oh, okay, thank you for checking.

Husband: Well?

Wife: No.
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Husband: These tables are so close together.

Wife: Same as yesterday. Let’s go find your sunglasses.

A Job Interview

1: Rick?

2: Yes, George, it’s nice to meet you. Have a seat.

1. Rick, would it be okay if I got a coffee?

2: Absolutely, go ahead and then we can get started.

1. Can I get you anything?

2. No thank you, I’m good.

The Interview…

2. How was your drive?

1. Good. I’m only about twenty minutes. The traffic wasn’t too bad.

2. Is traffic something that bothers you?

1. No, not at all. My last job had me driving around a lot.

2. Tell me about that.

1. I was working with The Big Soda Company in an internship program with my university. I delivered different products to events and then spent time with the social media post promotion of the those events, taking photos of people holding the drinks. In fact, I was listed as the top promoter for the month of April.

2: That’s cool. How about driving? Are you okay driving a large area?

1. Absolutely. I’m used to five or six hours in a van delivering product.

2. Good, I know I keep asking about driving, but the last guy quit because of too much driving.

1. So what is the territory?

2. Atlantic City to Cape May to Middletown to Elkton to Chester County PA and east to the Atlantic.

1. Okay.

2. That’s a lot of driving.

1. Not a problem, but how do I manage all of the tolls.

2. We would pay for your EZ-pass.

1. Cool.

2. So, you’re have just graduated, why should we hire you.

1. I’m motivated to enter this industry. The work is hard and there are long hours, but I want to make a career in this field. What I lack in experience, I more than make up for in work ethic.

2. And you don’t mind driving?

1. Not at all.

2. How familiar are you with Georgetown?

1. Hoyas or Delaware?

2. Delaware.

1. I know the area well. My family has a house in Cape Henlopen.

2. That’s good, we are looking to grow our business down at Wilmington University there.

1. Cool, that would work well for us because I could catch the ferry from Cape May, promote the drink on the boat, and then drive down to the Georgetown. Then, if it’s okay, I could crash at my parent’s house and start up through Delaware the next day.

2. I like that. What questions do you have for me?

1. What’s the relationship between MegaStar and Big Soda Company?

2. We are a frenemy to them. The distribute our drink, but they also have their own sports energy drink.

1. So, when I meet with those guys, I have to be careful as to how much I demand. It’s more about getting them to like us.

2. Exactly, you can drive them too hard.

1. I know a few of those guys, so I don’t think it will be much of problem?

2. Anything else?

1. Why did you switch from The Other Big Soda Company to MegaStar? You were the number one rep on the east coast. It seems like a strange move for you.

2. Wow, that’s good. Where did you find that information?

1. LinkedIn.

2. Oh, I left because I didn’t want to get stale. I like coffee, but MegaStar is so much better and the company is small. That allowed me a lot of freedom that I didn’t have when I was at The Other Big Soda Company. Don’t get me wrong, the change was hard and the The Big Soda Company guys still give me a hard time, but it’s made me hustle a lot more. That’s a great challenge and I love that kind of pressure.

1. I can tell.

2. I’m wondering and this has nothing to do with anything, but are you married, dating, single…?

1. Single.

2. Let me tell you that this is the best job for that. You will have a job right out of college, you’ll have a van that shows what a great product you are selling, and you’ll get to go to all the events that draw all the hottest people. I’m just say that the market will be full of opportunity if you know what I mean.

1. Yeah, that sounds like a real benefit as long as its kept in perspective.

2. Exactly, but you didn’t hear that from me.

1. Understood.

2. Keep in mind, though, that all of the vans are equipped by GPS and we track distances and times stopped. We don’t micromanage, but we like to know where the vans are. One guy took a trip to Virginia in his fan on his days off. We had to let him go.

1. I can see why.

2. Okay, if there’s nothing else, HR will get back to you by the end of the week. It was nice talking with you.

1. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you. I’m ready to be with MegaStar.

A School Conversation

Teacher 1: Sit down, my man, what’s going on?

Student: Nothing, how are you guys?

Teacher 1: Never had a bad day in my life.

Teacher 2: Good, just trying to survive here.

Student: I hear you. At least you get weekends off. I have to work.

Teacher 2: You still at the Sunny Half?

Student: Yep. I’m up to thirteen an hour.

Teacher 1: Whoa, sous chef?

Student: No, more like an apprentice. The chef likes me and thinks I’m going to culinary school.

Teacher 2: Why not?

Student: I’m going to college to be a petroleum engineer. I’ve seen too much stuff in the kitchen.

Teacher 1: You’ve been at it a couple of years, right?

Student: Yep. Most people quit after six months. There are too many junkies in the restaurant business. I’ve seen coke heads, heroin addicts, meth, alcoholics. They’re everywhere.

Teacher 1: Stay away from that stuff.

Student: No doubt, there was a guy there who told me who to stay away from. I’ve seen drugs at their worst and I have no interest in going there.

Teacher 2: Last year we had this same conversation. Instead of drugs, the problem was the curfew. Have you got that figured out yet?

Student: Yep. I bought a car, cash. A Honda. It gets me to work and back no problem.

Teacher 1: Don’t waste your money on cars. You’ll need it for college.

Student: I know, but I did buy my mom a car. She needed something. Alright, I’ve gotta go to work.

Teacher 2: We’re still in school. You just leave?

Student: I have two study halls in a row. They never know. Later.

A Father-Son Conversation

Father: I don’t know. I think it’s a little too jammy for me.

Son: Too jammy? Are you crazy. This is one of the best rock and roll albums of all time.

Father: Yeah, I hear you, but sometimes I don’t want twenty minute songs. Besides, the kind of blend together.

Son: You don’t concentrate. Duane Allman’s playing is ridiculous. Plus it’s live.

Father: I’ll give you Duane is great, but this isn’t even the best Filmore album.

Son: Name one that’s better.

Father: Derek and the Dominoes.

Son: Are you kidding? It borders on pop music. You could listen to the radio and hear those songs.

Father: What’s wrong with that? They jacked the songs up a little, but left you wanting more.

Son: Statesboro Blues is the greatest.

Father: Presence of the Lord…

Son: I don’t know, both are great. The Allman Brothers’ is just such an historical album.

Father: Yadda, yadda, yadda…

Son: Too jammy?… Next thing, you’ll be telling me that these aren’t even the best live albums.

Father: Well, 24-Nights does beat them both. And the one with Clapton and Steve Winwood is really good.

Son: Stop! You’re killing me.

Father: Some of those Jimmy Buffett live albums are good too.

Son: I’m done. You’ve officially lost your mind. Buffett will never be better than the Allman Brothers.

Father: And you’ll probably never realize that I’m pulling your chain.

Son: Seriously?

Father: Everything except the Allman Brothers being too jammy and which Filmore album is better.

Son: So you do think the Allman Brothers are better. I knew it.

Father: Nope. Miles Davis.

Son: Oh, boy…

Rory and Allen Get “Principled” (#16)

RORY:

What’s that on the floor?

ALLEN:

Mac and Cheese, Patti Labelle, I think. In my opinion it’s really good, try it.

RORY:

Let’s go back in the woods to eat and drink some of that stuff. Something crazy will happen.

Rory and Allen headed back into the woods and did exactly as the menu said. This time, though, they added in the mac and cheese.

RORY:

Allen, do you think there are narcotics in this? I hope not.

ALLEN:

I doubt it, but it kind of smells like a margarita. I think I’m going under its influence.

RORY:

Me, too…

The message from the goats would be different this time. Rory and Allen were taken from the James River and transported to the 9th Ward in New Orleans.

RORY:

Why are we here?

ALLEN:

I don’t know. Is this a bayou? I’m kind of clueless about this stuff. Look at that guy selling t-shirts over there.

RORY:

He looks like the carpenter from my last trip. I’ve got to know.

Rory and Allen crossed the street and approached the man selling shirts. He was wearing loose clothing and orthopedic sandals. He will not speak to Rory or Allen, but he directs them towards a fire hydrant.

RORY:

I wonder why he didn’t speak to me this time. Last time he told me about empathy. This time he blew us off.

ALLEN:

I don’t think so. Look at the fire hydrant. There is a hawk there. That has to mean something.

RORY:

Man, this is confusing. At least the goats took me right where they wanted me to go.

The hawk landed on the fire hydrant and eyed Rory and Allen like he was an assassin aiming for a shot.

THE HAWK:

Rory and Allen, I speak from your past to inform your present so that your future may influence the world.

RORY:

He talks?

THE HAWK:

Yes, I talk. Stay here (points to his eyes). Both of you know the value of shade. Both of you can see the failures and corruption of the 9th Ward. Neither of you has yet seen Marvin Gardens. Go, your “principles” are ready.

The hawk flew away and Rory and Allen awoke back in the woods at Carter’s Grove. They felt clean from their auras to their colons.

RORY:

You know what this means?

ALLEN:

We’ve got to get more mac and cheese and my goats are copacetic.

RORY:

Yep and we’ve got to go to James Blair. Something is happening there.

They got in Snowball, the old Dodge, and headed across town.

Coffee Inspired Conversation

She said, “You’re talking about prairie dogging.”

“Huh?”

“You know, it shows its head, but never comes out.”

“That’s pretty gross. You know, I’ve seen a prairie dog farm.”

“There’s such a thing?” she asked.

“Yeah, out in Texas. I saw it when I was a kid.”

“What’s it like?”

“Like whale watching without the water, boats, and whales.”

“Really, Dad?”

“Seriously. You stand there against a fence waiting for one to come out.”

“Prairie dogging,” she said with a wry smile.

Same Names, Different Names

The people make teaching fun:

Me: What was your dad’s name again?

James: Uh, James McDevitt. James McDevitt.

Me: Did he go to school here? A long time ago, I taught a James McDevitt.

James: Uh, no. He’s from Maryland. That was his cousin that went here.

Me: What was his cousin’s name?

James: Uh, James McDevitt.

Cody: Is everybody in your family named James?

James: Uh, only on the McDevitt side. Ever since the Civil War James has been a family name.

Me: So that makes you James the tenthish?

James: Uh, no, my grandfather’s name is Earl. He wasn’t named James because his brother was James. But he named my dad James. That makes him James McDevitt, Sr.

Me: The first…

James: Uh, yeah, so I’m James McDevitt, Jr. The second.

Me: Will you name your kid James?

James: Uh, if it’s a boy.

Me: If it’s a girl will you go with Jamie?

James: Beatrice.

Priceless. School is about people…