The alarm is blaring
My motivation is in rebellion
Snooze will be my partner
To give me the time required
For making a proper decision.
It’s Autobahn fast,
My brain is racing
The rebellion turning into full blown anxiety
As the snooze is proving fickle
And the only real decision is to get up
Since both sides of the pillow are in tumult.
The day is stirring,
I’m already thinking in verse
Only it’s the kind that is better kept inside
The thoughts are quick,
Their intent pointed and unnecessary.
The gym is standing
As a sort of therapy that might get me going
In a more positive way,
But it doesn’t open for ten minutes,
The radio proves more comforting than snooze.
The Boss is waxing about his life
Speaking a language of longing that I understand.
I’m understanding that I’m hardened by frustration,
Jaded by expectation,
So caught up in what I think, that I’m stuck in what I think.
The Boss telling his stories,
I know them well, his, mine,
They are similar, grossly different,
The latter being the morass that I waste in
As I think life is passing me by and I don’t want that.
I’m writing instead of running,
One mile proved to be enough, even
The pool’s positive beckoning, a kind of holy water,
Would not work, my spirit need to set itself free
In a less physical way.
Except for the morning news,
The parade of people at the coffee station
The hum of higher pitched complaining at the front desk.
I’m realizing the grind is real for everyone
People are on autopilot, they just keep going.
Except for my racing mind,
Where Springsteen has been replaced by Emerson
Who is telling me to take care of myself,
To tune out the grossness of morning news and
The whining trying to kickstart a shit storm in my head.
Knowing that I am in charge of myself,
That the truth of who I am comes from the conditions I create.
The consistency of knowing, knowing that I am aware
Of the messed up way things are and my desire
To break free of the clutter, is what I need to keep me going.
The snooze, workout, Springsteen, Emerson, Cox debate,
A little of this and that proved to be enough
To allow the routine to keep running smoothly,
If not peacefully.
Either way, it’s up to me to find the right way.