The Minimalist Movement Continues

A free press is an oxymoron, I think
As paying for the news
Has become something I don’t care for anymore.
Recurring charges to my meager account
Has grown into something
I’m no longer tolerant of.
The prestigious New York Times
Became the latest casualty
Of my scaling everything down.

On a day when I watched a grown ass man
Lay drops of water from a wet mop
Across a dry gym floor
Only two hours after a high school junior
Asked me how to wring out the same mop
As he looked dumbfounded at a mop bucket
I decided I couldn’t take it anymore.
The news had to go because
It’s not adding value to my life.

I’ve grown weary of scandal.
I’m tired of Trump, Sessions, Comey, and Kushner.
Russia bores me.
Democrats, Republicans, and Bernie irritate me.
News is everywhere and I just want to get away,
So calling in and canceling made a decent choice.
I’ll miss the “Times Machine,” but it was all the same
Just with different “gates” and
Other names.

Honestly, I feel a little disappointed,
They offered me more than fifty percent off a year
To stick with the program.
I still quit, mostly out of spite,
Because to offer it now instead of offering it all the time
Shows that the press is not free,
That they are as corporate greedy
As big pharma, big tobacco, or whatever
Else is mugging our wallets.

Now will come the onslaught of emails proclaiming,
“We want you back.”
I think I’ll pass.
For the time being, I can still get my news on cable,
Although, I’ve got the scissors out for that cord, too.
I’m feeling the want of scaling down in all areas
And I barely watch sports anymore,
So why pay so much for cable?
There’s no good reason.

Like there is no reason for
My old student knowing nothing of ringing out a mop and
My colleague and friend of over twenty years who
Was too lazy to roll the ringer to a spill
Rather than going, Hansel and Gretel
With a dripping mop across the pristine floor at school.
That’s real, local reporting and it didn’t cost me a cent.
So long NYT…I’ll throw in your colleagues at Fox, CNN, and MSNBC
Just to be fair and balanced.


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